Even in negativity, abundance is present.
Every less-than-desirable situation,
heartbreak, or loss is accompanied by a lesson.
Negative experiences may be a universal call
to wake up or take notice.
When we look for the greater lesson to be learned,
we can see much abundance,
though, at first glance, it may not seem to be so.
Ask yourself," What lesson am I supposed to learn here?"
Seek the gift in each situation.
Buried treasure may lie beneath the compost of life.
Seek to unearth the blessings within.
©2016, Janice L. Lundy
Self-compassion is not just about being nice to yourself. It's so much more than that.
Often we confuse self-compassion with pampering or indulging ourselves—like getting a massage or eating that extra cookie because we "deserve it," or taking a bubble bath.
While those activities are nice and they feel good (they relax the body-mind, decreasing cortisol while amping up oxytocin), they are only the bandaid for the hurt that lies beneath.
When I began my inner journey, I didn't know what self-compassion was. I thought it was "self-nurturing" or "self-care." I did a lot of that in my early years because my body-mind required it for stability. I'd done some real damage to myself because of harboring too much stress. I required gentle activities to heal. I received my first massage, got a facial, went on retreat, took naps and gave myself treats. What I didn't give myself was a break.
Meaning, beneath all of the stress and overwhelm (to which I applied band-aids) were stories I kept telling myself about who I was and how I was supposed to be. Lots of stories! Pampering and self-indulgence worked to relax me but they didn't release the stories that kept me stuck in what I thought I needed to do to be a worthy human being; to be loved; to be successful.
Self-compassion came onto my radar screen years later when I realized that many of my life choices had been based on what people told me when I was a child, role modeling, and old patterns I'd developed to stay "safe." Not until I was ready to take a good, long loving look at these was I able to begin to free myself of things like perfectionism, over-achieving, self-doubt, self-criticism, co-dependency and diminishing my own needs in difficult times, just to name a few. Many of us hold these stories deep within us. In fact, I believe most of us do!
Indulging myself, which provided temporary comfort and healing, did not get to the heart of the matter.
Good self-care could be thought of as "Self-Compassion 101." It addresses the basics and meets our immediate needs. And it's an excellent place to start! On a deeper level, though, there is a story to be uncovered: the story of why we don't care well for ourselves, or don't give ourselves permission to do so in the first place.
Self-compassion requires profound self-awareness and willingness to grow. It also demands absolute honesty and transparency. The path of self-compassion is a bold path. It requires courage and perseverance. It invites us to explore what keeps us in suffering (and sometimes self-neglect), deep into the truth of who we are in our essence. Self-compassion allows us to live more authentically with ourselves in good, loving, kind ways.
So while I do enjoy the occasional indulgence (especially taking long baths and eating chocolate chip cookies), what I really love is feeling at peace within myself, confident that I know how to, thoroughly and honestly, tend well to my whole self (body, mind, heart and soul).
Self-compassion helps me know that I am doing the best I can in any given moment to meet life head-on with courage and grace.
Dive into self-compassion—lovingly and gently!
Put yourself on the path of self-compassion with this directed retreat--a gentle "day in," learning to care for your whole self in nurturing ways. And to unravel a story or two!
"The Kindest Thing" self-paced, at-home retreat is a soulful exploration and experience of "Self-Compassion 101."
Through videos, audios, and self-nourishing activities, Jan will personally guide you through your retreat so you feel the transformational power of your own loving-kindness.
Learn more and download your retreat today!
As I continue to gather up and create material for my forthcoming book, Living Gently with Myself (the next book in the "30-Day Guided Journey" series), I periodically go back into my files to refresh my memory about self-compassion.
Reading someone else's thoughts often puts me back in touch with my own wisdom. I bet this is true for you too.
Today, as I looked into the SC file, I found this offering from Buddhist nun and teacher, Pema Chodron. I loved it the first time I read, even more so today. I'll explain why.
"We feel that compassion is reserved for someone else, and it never occurs to us to feel it for ourselves. My experience is that by practicing without “shoulds,” we gradually discover our wakefulness and our confidence. Gradually, without any agenda except to be honest and kind, we assume responsibility for being here in this unpredictable world, in this unique moment, in this precious human body."
It struck me that each line in this passage is a complete teaching in and of itself. It's so rich and full of wisdom it would take a lifetime to decipher and to apply to our walk through life.
Turning her phrases toward myself, I heard:
1. I often feel it is much more important to hold compassion for others. I am prone to put myself last on the list of those who deserve and need compassion.
2. If I let go of the "shoulds", I would be much more awake and aware. Regularly! I would also be more confident about my walk through life as my true self, not who others think I should be.
3. When I am honest and kind with myself, life gets much easier. (Big sigh of relief...)
4. When I take responsibility for my whole self (thoughts, words, choices), I AM more empowered to live in the world.
5. Embracing all of these, I can take a deep breath to enjoy and appreciate my life just as it is. Wondrous, amazing, a blessing—even when it's difficult!
6. When I can do this, life feels very different, and I am in touch with the miracle of my birth, my life, and life in general.
What do you think? When you read Pema Chodron's thoughts above, how do they affect you? What do they invite you to?
Greater wakefulness? More self-compassion? I hope so!
Thanks, Ani Pema for these reminders. I bow to you and your wisdom, as always.
I received a lovely gift from a spiritual companion a few weeks ago. I was struck by her thoughtfulness in offering me something so special. She knows my heart is rooted in the promotion of compassion, and especially the practice of self-compassion.
It's a Tibetan wall hanging featuring a powerful quote by His Holiness the Dalai Lama, which reads:
Usually, our concept of compassion or love refers
to the feeling of closeness we have with our friends and loved ones.
Sometimes compassion also carries a sense of pity. This is wrong.
Any love or compassion which entails looking down on the other
is not genuine, compassion.
Genuine compassion must be based on respect for the other,
and on the realization that others have the right to be happy
and overcome suffering, just as much as you.
On this basis, since you can see that others are suffering,
you can develop a sense of concern for them.
~H.H. The XIVth Dalai Lama
What strikes you when you read these lines? Is there something new or different for you about this understanding of compassion?
I was struck by this line: "Sometimes compassion also carries a sense of pity. This is wrong." As I read it, I felt a little stab in my heart and heard a soft voice whisper, 'Pay attention.' What I realize is that it is easy to confuse pity with compassion and sometimes I have.
What this line offers me today is a new touchpoint of practice, an attunement, to be more vigilant about my own response to people. If there is pity involved, I am not in compassion because I have separated myself out from someone, doing what Jon Kabat-Zinn calls, "otherizing." We do this often, don't we?
I invite you to spend some time today with this beautiful reminder from His Holiness about what it really means to be understanding of and empathetic toward others. And, of course, we must figure ourselves into the equation, for self-compassion is most certainly the bridge toward embracing others with tenderness and mercy. We begin where we are, extending the loving-kindness we need toward ourselves, because everyone suffers—even us. We are all on the path of healing and awakening to our true nature ...
My new book, My Deepest Me: A 30-Day Guided Journey, offers one month of short but sweet lessons in good self-awareness rooted in the practice self-compassion.
Have you taken a look at it yet?
Click here to learn more and read excerpts.
It seems many of us struggle with the timing of our spiritual growth. Like nearly everything else in society these days, we want it fast—now!—and easy. We want "instant enlightenment" and may not want to put in the effort it takes to let go, heal, and step into the person we know we can be.
Every spring when I think about this—the nature of our spiritual unfolding—I think about daffodils. I recall the first year I planted these bulbs, how excited I was to see them emerge from the dense ground of winter. I waited and waited, but they didn't pop. In fact, an entire season later they STILL hadn't emerged. What was a doing wrong?
What I didn't realize what that planted bulbs may take a number of seasons to grow. They don't always bloom right away. In fact, in gardening lingo, daffodils can have "sterile years" where they don't bloom at all. I'm thinking ... the same is true for humans ... or at least it appears that way on the surface.
As human beings, we may have to traverse months, years, of lived experience to feel the difference of growth in ourselves. It takes patience to be a "master gardener" of our inner life. Just because we want change (and blooming!) now, doesn't mean we'll have it. Wishing does not make things so. Embracing divine timing and doing the good "work of self" does.
You will come into fruition in your own season.
Just as the daffodils of spring unfold in accordance
with Divine Order, so must we.
Often, we find this process to be frustratingly slow,
but it is right and true to the higher purpose
to which we have been called.
Like the daffodils,
let us be gentle with ourselves
as we strain to reach out and up,
raising our beautiful crowns to the celestial light.
~ From Awakening the Spirit Within
Photos © Janice Lynne Lundy, 2014.
In an increasingly complex and frustrating world,
we long for Love.
We long to know the Sacred intimately.
We seek an all-consuming relationship with the Divine
because we have been thirsty for too long,
and we have sought sustenance from many dry wells.
It is time to drink from the cup of Spirit,
allowing ourselves to become intoxicated by its sweetness,
opening our eyes to limitless beauty
and Love beyond measure.
Excerpted from Awakening the Spirit Within
I love the idea of "falling into the arms of the Divine" where there is nothing else but Love. The best way I know to accomplish this is to nourish my spirit; to let go of the should's, stop pressuring myself, and surrender into Beingness. Work and "the world" can wait, for my spiritual connection is more important than anything. What about you? Is this something you long for too? If it is, I'd love to companion you on this journey inward. Learn more.
The heart broken wide open,
left to heal with cracks of light peeking through,
allows love to flow in and out to our fellow travelers.
These cracks also serve as direct conduits to the Divine,
enabling us to move forward on our spiritual path.
As much as we would like to patch the holes in our broken heart,
move quickly beyond the suffering and forget it ever happened,
the greatest lessons are learned through experience.
When the pain is too great to bear or our agony
veils the clarity that will eventually come from a broken open heart,
we can take comfort from the 12th century Persian poet, Rumi,
who wrote, "Keep looking at the bandaged place.
That is where the light enters you."
Excerpted from Awakening the Spirit Within
I'm getting ready to launch my most ambitious spiritual growth offering to date: "Creating Spiritual Health." It will roll out on Monday, Feb. 17. Prepare yourself by taking my "Spiritual Health Check-Up" here. Are you curious about the current state of your Spiritual Health?
As you may know, I have just returned from an extended stay and silent retreat in Southern California —my "second home" near the ocean's heartbeat ... the ocean as Divine Mother who opens us and restores us.
I am still processing much of what I experienced there and will continue to do so slowly, holding near to me that which is most Sacred. Some things are meant to be held more permanently (not shared) and kept close to the heart for safe-keeping. But because many of you, my lovely friends, have asked, "What happened there?" here are some early thoughts on my retreat.
We never know what will happen to us when we embark on such a journey. My highest hope for an in-venture like this is that I remain agenda-less, truly allowing the Sacred to take me where She wishes me to go. She, better than I, knows the inner recesses to which I should travel ... to release anything that continues to hold me back from from living as my truest self in God ... to embrace more of what will carry and keep me there. And thus it was for me.
I entered without a plan, only to receive that which was gifted to me from Graciousness. Admitedly, I was taken by surprise when I found myself struggling greatly the first 24-hours of my silent retreat. Perhaps I had anticipated showers of blessings. What emerged was an overactive ego and a sense of irritation. Nothing was "quite right." There I was in a womb of stunning beauty and I simply could not relax. I wanted to let go into Love and couldn't.
But I kept walking. Sitting. Praying. "Trying" to meditate.
The stillness rubbed against me like a burlap coat. I could not sit. It was inwardly painful. I had to walk out my angst. So walk I did. I walked and walked.
Every path led to the sea—to the Great Cosmic Mother whose roar can startle us open—open to the Vastness within. Whose gentle murmurings of waves wash upon the shore of our hearts to soothe and welcome us. Whose reflected sunsets affirm the Great Soul. And ourselves as soul beings.
In the Ocean of Bliss we remember that we are not separate. Ocean and waves are one. Earth and sky are one. "He She It", "You Me They", are only surface (and human) distinctions. In truth, we are united in the vastness of here, now, and there. The Vastness of This, Always, and Forever.
Holy embrace. Resistance gone. Remembering attuned. Spaciousness found. Humbly crawling on my knees into Vastness.
I am at Home in the Eternal Now.
May it be so for all beings everywhere.
©2013, Janice Lynne Lundy.
Photos by the author. Self-Realization Retreat Center and Meditation Gardens, Encinitas, CA.
I'm having the best time getting ready for the launch of "Summer of Love" in just a few days.
(This post includes a few links to the music in me, just for fun and your listening pleasure.)
As I wrote one of the introductory "Love Notes," I was taken back in time to my first memories of music. How poignant this was to remember! How my parents loved music and how we always seemed to have music playing in the house (on the "stereo"/record player, long before anyone had iPods and portable music).
It was a great walk down memory lane for me, remembering my first albums. Remembering those songs I listened to again and again until my mother grew so tired of them she begged me to turn the player off.
We all move so quickly today. We take very little time to sit and reflect upon our lives. Much less to consider what shaped us, what helped us become who we are today.
Being raised in a music loving household, I believe, fostered this ability in me to sit and listen. We listened to lyrics. We listened for their meaning for us and we took that meaning in and fabricated our lives out of those words.
"Remembering the music in me" has been fun. It also makes me appreciate the era in which I was born and raised (the 50-70s) because it was a powerful time of change—a time of spiritual opening too.
Here are a few of the musical highlights I remember, esp. those that cued me into Love:
The Beatles: ("I Want to Hold Your Hand"): Romantic Love
The Association: ("Cherish") More Romantic Love
"Jesus Christ, Superstar": Love of the Spirit
Buffalo Springfield and Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young: ("For What It's Worth" and more, just about all of their music): Love of Social Justice [These did not make my dad too happy; anti war stuff.]
Hues Corporation ("Rock the Boat"), O'Jay's ("Love Train"), Sly and the Family Stone ("Family Affair"): Love of dancing, fun, & friendship [college days].
The beat goes on. I found myself reliving many wonderful memories that I'd long forgotten, people too.
I found myself wanting to walk down "memory lane" some more, looking back at the significant stages of my adult life to remember what music I was listening to and pondering how it shaped me; how it supported my life/spiritual journey.
I'm planning to do that as our "Summer of Love" proceeds. Perhaps you'll join me and pay your respects to the music in you!
It will be a Whole Lotta Love Fun, I can feel it!
(Click the link above for a dose of Led Zeppelin. 1979. Not sure what that Love was all about, just having a good time with friends, carefree days, no responsibilities, i.e. Love of Being Alive, I imagine.
Join me for a "Summer of Love." A musical experience deeper into the "spiritual heart." 30 days, one soulful teaching each day, and a song to help YOU drop into the middle again so you can remember who you really are--LOVE.
Begins June 15, delivered to your Inbox daily. Both men and women welcome to this co-ed Love Fest, Woodstock-style!
Registration has begun.
The notion of spiritual health might be confusing to some because it is not a way of thinking that's common to our experience.
I know this firsthand because I had the notion of "health" topsy turvy for years.
I've always believed that we are a body-mind-spirit being and that each part of ourself must be attended to to have optimal well-being. This made sense to me. Take care of your body, take care of your mind, take care of your spirit and everything will be just fine. Oh, yes, take care care of your heart too—your emotional self.
After losing my health in 1994 (a complete crash and burn experience on all levels—physical, mental and emotional), using the traditional BMS formula is how I patched my life back together. Or so I thought.
It took me nearly a year to reclaim my well-being. During that year, I did very little but took care of myself and my family as best I could. I rested (alot!), walked the beach daily, laid in the sun, connected with nature, and I read--books I was unexplainedly drawn to (Thich Nhat Hanh, the poetry of Rumi, for ex., best to say these books/writers found me).
Each day of my healing journey I made sure that I did something "good" for my body, my mind, my heart, and my spirit because part of me still wanted to get the formula just right! At the end of a year, I did feel much better and could return to "normal" life at a reduced pace, with fresh awareness of how I could live more gently with myself.
Here's the miracle of miracles.
My soul was the guiding force in my healing journey.
My soul—the divine intelligence within me, the "heart/mind" that is plugged into the One (Source, God, Love, etc)—was the wayshower. It was out in front leading me the entire time and I didn't even know it.
I understand now that our soul is always guiding us toward healing and wholeness; to living intimately connected with the Source of everything ... the Divine as we understand it.
And even if we don't actively perceive this connection (like me), the soul is still present, active, guiding us toward homeostasis, to wholeness.
This, in my view, is where the notion of "spiritual health" comes in. When we learn to listen for our soul's guidance, we know (on some level) exactly what we need to do to restore balance in our life.
The soul knows. The soul guides
On a human level, this means it is our utmost calling to connect with our soul, strengthen our ability to hear it, then honor what it invites us to. When we do, we are literally "home free."
During my health crash/healing, I was listening to something, though I didn't know it was my soul back then. It was a still small voice within me that guided me to what brought spiritual nourishment and healing energy: to walk the shoreline, or to rest, or to say "No" to a certain responsibility. It drew me toward the right book to read, the right person to reach out to, the right foods to eat.
This process of listening to, honoring, and acting upon the soul's directives is "Spiritual Health." As we pay attention to our soul needs--our spiritual needs—our whole health returns.
Attending to our Spiritual Health can result in:
• healing, increased physical health and well-being (Body)
• mental stability, inner calm, peace of mind (Mind)
• stabilized emotions, improved relationships with self and others,
openheartedness, love, forgiveness (Heart)
• wisdom (compassion, lovingkindness, generosity, living "the
virtues of the Spirit") (Spirit)
Nurturing our Spiritual Health, in time, restores body-mind-spirit wellness. Life balance. Inner harmony.
Yet, in the bigger picture, the greatest benefit of attending to our Spiritual Health is that it softens us. It makes us maleable and opens us to our humanity and to the divinity within us. It plugs us into the Divine as we understand so we are directly connected to the source of our being—our love, our passion, our purpose.
Spiritual Health is a profound path to wholeness. And wholeness is our birthright and our destiny.
When we are in tune with our soul, Everything is possible.
is a touchpoint. a resting place, a "remembering" of who we really are: beings of unshakeable peace, boundless compassion, and deep joy.