Many years ago I did a kind thing for myself. I stopped trying to create balance in my life. Instead I made a kinder choice: create inner harmony. Balance, by its very nature, is impossible to achieve. Nothing is ever balanced (I'm thinking of the see-saw [teeter-totter) of my childhood here ...). It's either up or down. Too much or too little. Trying to achieve balance for me was a self-defeating choice because no one can ever get anything "just right." I experienced trying to get my life in balance as pressure, resulting in failure (of course!)—a misguided attempt at perfection. But harmony, oh, that had a lovely, gentle ring to it. It reminded me of musical notes coming together in a pleasing way. More like rhythm. A delightful blending of elements that just flowed. Now this I could get behind. I decided to pitch balance and opt for harmony instead. Instead of striving for and struggling with balance, how can we shift our efforts to focus instead on creating inner harmony? Here's an idea, a simple starting point. You can begin to create greater harmony in your life by paying close attention to what your body is trying to tell you in any given situation, honoring that revelation, then making choices that foster your well-being. You can do this by literally listening to your body through the vehicle of your senses. Pay mindful attention to what you are seeing and hearing. Note your body's response. Ask yourself, 'Is this experience creating feelings of peace and well-being in me, or is it causing me stress, worry, pressure or fear?' When we listen mindfully, we can make healthy, new choices for ourselves—choices rooted in loving-kindness. And new choices are easy to make and implement when they are sourced in self-kindness. ©2024, Janice L. Lundy
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His Holiness the Dalai Lama has said: "As long as we live in this world we are bound to encounter problems. If, at such times, we lose hope and become discouraged, we diminish our ability to face difficulties."
In keeping with this line of thinking, an act of self-compassion would be one of self-support when something in your life feels difficult. There are many things you can do to drop into a self-compassionate stance when you are struggling. You can speak tenderly to yourself. You can stop pressuring yourself to "fix” the feeling, vowing instead to remain calm and wait for clarity to come. You can offer phrases of Metta (loving-kindness) to yourself. You can go outside and lift your face to the sky. Instead of fighting with life as it arises, let us drop into life and flow with its rhythms by being kindly compassionate toward ourselves. ©2023, Janice L. Lundy Are you kind to your mind? We often think about being kind to our body. We give it rest, nurturing, and what it needs to be well. What would it mean if you were kind to your mind in the same way? Consider developing an attitude of loving-kindness toward it, just as you would toward a little child, thinking of your mind as tender and dear.
It's a fair guess to say that very few of us have done this. If anything, we may be self-critical of what goes on in our mind— judgmental, harsh, or impatient—because we are frustrated by its many thoughts. We may feel inadequate because we not proficient at keeping a calm mind or meditating. Our thoughts being of a certain nature, may feel that we are not “spiritual enough.” Instead of fault-finding, take a gentler approach toward your mind. Offer blessings of loving-kindness to your mind, such as these: May I relax and rest in pure awareness today. May I be at peace with everything that arises. May my mind be at ease, my heart at rest. May all be well. ©2023, Janice L. Lundy All Rights Reserved Befriending, becoming a loving, understanding, and compassionate friend to yourself, is a powerful spiritual practice.
Befriending begins with holding an intention to live more kindly and gently with yourself. Are you able to do that? Though intention and an attitude of loving-kindness towards yourself may not be enough. Befriending must be personified by acts of loving-kindness, tangible choices made on a moment-to-moment basis to do the kindest thing for you. Doing so is not a selfish act as some would say, but a self-aware one. Learning to befriend myself has been a lifelong journey. It is the subject of my book, Living Gently with Myself, which you can learn more about here. Within each of us are the answers to our deepest questions. We have been conditioned to believe that the answers to life's dilemmas are "out there somewhere" and we must search to find them. Nothing could be further from the truth.
The deepest wisdom lies within you and silence is the only way to access the answers you desire. By sinking into silence, you will uncover more insights than you ever dreamed possible. Silence is your soul's companion. ©2023, Jan Lundy All Rights Reserved. Love naturally resides within you. It is ever present. You do not have to actively search for it, combing the world for the perfect partner to have it. It may sound trite but it takes diving into your own depths to pull up the love that is there to get the love that you’ve always wanted.
Begin by showering it upon yourself; accepting yourself in all your pain and glory as a sacred being having a very human (and sometimes painful) experience of life. Then, as you begin to fill your own well with love, more love will bubble up, like water from a natural spring. From there, it will organically flow out from you and into the world for others to feel. They will want to be close to it, desire to drink of it themselves. The cycle of love flows most sincerely from self to others and back to self again. ©2023, Janice L. Lundy I've been a student of mindfulness for nearly 30 years. I am no expert, yet I remain faithful to the process. It helps me to think of mindfulness like this:
To be mindful is to be present to yourself--as you are in this very moment, doing all that you are doing, feeling all that you are feeling. To be present to yourself is a loving act, an act of "presence." As people on the path to awakening, we deeply value when someone else can be fully present to us, don't we? We revel in their attention, their willingness to be fully here, available on all levels to hear what we have to say, or to bear witness to what we are feeling. We love their presence. The truth of the matter is, you cannot be fully present to others (and offer them presence) if you cannot be fully present to yourself. Practicing mindfulness allows you to do this—a win-win situation where all parties involved benefit from your being present, including you! ©2023, Jan Lundy Our spiritual lives are not a series of great moments or grand awakenings, as much as we would like them to be. Sacredness is most often found in the daily, the ordinary routine of day-to-day life. It is found in the pause, the kiss, the sky, the garden, the oven, the well-laid table.
Gunilla Norris, author of Being Home, wrote, "In my own life I have found no better way than to value and savor the sacredness of daily living, to rely on repetition, that humdrum rhythm, which heals and steadies." What simple activities can you take pleasure in today that will bring steadiness? An awareness and appreciation for the sacred? ©2023, Jan Lundy Today, I'd like to offer you a blessing! A blessing for inner calm, so deep peace of body, mind, heart and spirit may be yours.
Take a few moments to suitably relax yourself then receive the audio blessing. May your day unfold with ease afterwards. If you have ever suffered a dramatic loss or death, or dealt with a life-threatening illness, the importance of living in the present makes itself known. You learn very quickly that the past is over and done with; that there is no reason to dwell on the past except to learn and go on. You understand more fully that there are no guarantees of tomorrow; that you, or the people you love, may not even be here one hour from now. So you learn to stay present, to savor and appreciate the moment at hand.
Barbara DeAngelis, Ph.D. says in her book, Real Moments: “Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That is why we call it the "present." The present moment is truly a gift, one we can leave unopened or one that we can joyously unwrap to savor its beauty and meaning. The choice is ours. |
Gentle and timely reminders for the spiritual journey, because sometimes we forget or need a kind nudge back to Center.
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Dr. Janice Lynne Lundy (PsyD, DMin, MPC)
is The Gerald May Professor of Spiritual Direction & Counseling at the Graduate Theological Foundation. She is an interspiritual director/mentor, educator and counselor who has been pointing people back toward the Sacred for nearly thirty years. Connect |