The Year of Living Gently - May News

Hello lovely one,
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It's May, it's May, that glorious month of May, and my thoughts are infused with gratitude for the beauty that is emerging all around me. May is truly one of my favorite months for this reason, and a few others. 

It holds the essence of Mother's Day, of course, and I love having the privilege of being a mother. As I write this, I am assisting in the care of my youngest daughter who just had brain surgery. (She is doing well, thank you.) So "mothering" is on my mind and, at the same time, I'm also aware that this particular holiday can bring up painful memories for many of us. Not having a durable relationship with one's mother, having had an emotionally absent mother, the death of one's mother; experiencing loss as a mother-to-be (miscarriage, childbirth),  losing a child, being unable to have children ... These are all such tender situations, which is why I prefer to think of Mother's Day each year as "Mothering Day. (I created this short video a while back explaining this.) 

Mothering Yourself

On the path of self-actualization, it is vital that we, no matter our history or upbringing (or if we are a mother or not), learn how to "mother ourselves". To mother one's self means to cultivate a healthy relationship with yourself that is generous and unconditionally loving, nurturing and nourishing. When you effectively learn to mother yourself, you are no longer unskillfully dependent on others for the advancement of self-esteem. You know how to attend to your outer and inner needs. You believe in yourself. You can easily muster up self-compassion when it's needed instead of treating yourself harshly or judgmentally. In other words, you act toward and hold yourself as the ideal mother (archetype) would. Make sense? 

​"Did Life Teach You to Love Yourself?"

In the spirit of mothering ourselves, my good friend Carol Egan agreed to let me share with you this beautiful essay she crafted. It really does get to the heart of what it means to live gently with yourself by loving yourself more. 

Did life teach you to love yourself?

Did someone teach you to care for and honor your body, your emotions and your Spirit when you were young?
 
Did someone teach you to nurture your creative ideas no matter how wild they seemed as you grew up? 

I’m not asking if you felt loved. 

I’m asking if you were taught to love yourself when you were a child, or an adolescent.

I’m asking if you were taught to freely express yourself and go after what you most wanted, or were there spoken and unspoken rules and expectations that told you you’d best temper your “wild ideas” and conform?

For that reason, were you taught to put others before yourself? 

Did you believe the fairy tale that someone other than you, like Prince Charming, or Princess Charming would come to complete you? That you would be “perfect” if they were “perfect.” 

And if you were not taught self-love, self-honor, and self-care, if you were taught to conform and acquiesce what you most wanted, and to look for love outside yourself, what happened to you? The original you? 

And if you were not taught self-love, self-honor, self-care, how could you trust you’re choosing what is best for you? 

Could choosing what’s best for you even be possible if you don’t have a relationship to loving yourself. 

If I’ve learned nothing, I’ve learned that no one can love us like we can love ourselves. 

No one can know what we need, what makes our hearts soar and where that comes from within ourselves, like ourselves. 

No one can care of us, and our wild and thrilling ideas… AND our tender, aching wounds, like we ourselves can. 

HOW can we choose what is vital and healthy for us, HOW can we know what’s really best for us, IF we have no relationship to who we are in the most important way? 

Self-love is the first step to reclaim our lost selves. 

Self-love is the first step we build upon. 

Self-love is our first step to finding our way back to who we KNOW we are within, but have been suppressing to conform, to be good, to follow the rules. 

Self-love is the first step to reclaim our healthiest and most powerful selves, physically, mentally, emotionally and Spiritually. 

If I’ve learned nothing, I’ve learned that self-love is the foundation for everything good we ever hope to be, do and have in life. 

It’s the place to begin. It’s the place where every healthy choice finds it’s source. 
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Leave all the promises of others behind. You know what you need. Go within to find your love for you, so you can then go out into the world and more powerfully be of service.

©2018, Carol Egan
 

Carol Egan is a Cornell University-trained Executive Health Coach and Founder of Immersion Health, a company that specializes in corporate leadership and wellness trainings. Learn more about her and her good work in the world at her website: www.carol-egan.com

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Gentling Onward...

My wish for you this May is that you WILL treat yourself as kindly and gently as you do others. The rapid growth and abundant beauty of Spring remind us that anything is possible. We can heal all wounds, point ourselves toward a myriad of possibilities, and, at the same time, accept ourselves just as we are. May this affirmation guide your heart in this noble effort.

         Today, may I remember that I AM.
          a divine human with a boundless and loving heart.
          Spirit flows through me with every breath I take 
          and loves me as I AM.
          I let go of expectations I place on myself
          for being someone in particular.
          I am enough in my I AM-ness.

Peace, love, and joyful May blessings to you always,
Jan

© Janice L. Lundy
www.JanLundy.com