Pure Presence Blog

Walking Gently

5/26/2022

How do you care for yourself when your heart feels tender? Hurting? Sad?

We each have our ways, each one unique, just as our fingerprint is unique. It seems to me that it's not the method that matters, but the acceptance of our soul's call to tend well to ourselves when we are feeling vulnerable or unable to engage in life in the usual fashion.

I've been feeling that inner pull to silence and the quiet comfort that comes with a more gentle rhythm of my days since my dear mother passed away in March. Since then, I often find myself simply sitting, gazing out the window, resting my attention on the trees, or listening to the birds that come to our deck. But mostly, I am drawn to walking by myself. I hear a small whisper from within that says, "Just walk." It feels healing to do so.

I walk mostly in quiet places with very few people. I stop, listen to the wind in the trees, notice the chirping of birds happily building their nests, and pause by the little brook that soothes my heart with wordless babbles. So sweet.

I'm also soothed by poetry. I notice that my brain doesn't easily absorb the content of "regular" books right now. But the gentle turn of a phrase offered by a poet can land in my heart in just the right way. And that's all I need in the moment, a heart hug.

How do you extend spiritual care to yourself when your whole being longs for gentle understanding?

5 Comments

Linda link

5/27/2022 04:01:32 pm

"When your whole being longs for gentle understanding." I love that phraseology, Jan. And I am sorry for your loss. We met in chats at the SDI conference. I am in a long and slow grieving process as here and there I lose little bits of my mother to dementia. I, too, find solace in nature, communing with trees mostly, but also the wind, birdsong, the smell of pine, new rosebuds and baby birds in the nest. Life. Gentle and nurturing.

Kitty Wilson-Pote

5/27/2022 04:04:53 pm

Jan, thank you for sharing this strong, soft expression of the uniquely-felt sorrow of losing your mother. Maybe the most profoundly transformative life-loss of all.

I hear your words with my heart, dear Jan. Forgive me for responding with two personal reflections conjured by your 'Walking Gently' ... they'll keep for reading later, if at all. 👐

When my own mum died long ago now, the solace of quiet time alone set a blessed pattern that still brings her loving presence to me. She's close as can be, through loving all of nature, or hearing her favourite music, or -- like you-- finding healing's touch in poetry. She did the same herself after her own mother's early death. As you say, "Walking gently", be it literal or metaphorical, reinforces maternal love's ready presence always. The awe-full paradox that our mother is 'gone' yet also Right Here in each breath we take. My mum's so strongly with me as I/we reach out to you here and now. 💕
A snippet of story comes to mind, a moment in my favourite 'novel,' the great story of The Odyssey. It perfectly expresses this unique, visceral loss and how it transforms everything. Mid-way through the hero's twenty-year effort to get home from war, a most unexpected encounter happens. When the care-worn Odysseus visits Hades seeking counsel from a revered sage long dead, he's devastated to find his mother's spirit there. He has assumed her to be still alive, waiting for his safe return. And he must not speak with her until the sage's advice is done and dusted. He suffers much over this rule. At last mother and son share a tender, sad dialogue.

But, as Odysseus reaches out to hug his mother, he repeatedly finds her beloved form dissolving in his attempted embrace. They cannot hold each other, and weep torrents of tears at the reality of that fact. This shared grief is as raw and true and piercing as can be, and comforting too for us witnesses.

To continue his journey home, of course Odyssseus must leave his mother's spirit, knowing she will not be there to greet him. Yet he knows their bond is eternal, and nothing can alter it.

I so cherish this vignette from about 3,000 years ago, finding it akin to the touching buddhist Parable of the Mustard Seed, y'know - the one about a newly bereaved mother asking Buddha to restore her deceased child to her. Across the ages, imo, the great tales of loss keep fellowship with our own living grief. Wise, warm fellowship.

Sustaining warm hugs to you, Jan, now, onwards, and always. You are in this ol' heart for good, in every sense, and especially at this tender time. 💔 love, ~ Kitty W-P

Sharon Stiansen

5/27/2022 09:04:15 pm

Dear Jan
Sending deep compassion your way. The loss of a Mom is one of the greatest losses we will experience in life. She knew us first before we entered this world and took our first breath
Continue to be gentle with yourself, a time of self care. Say your Mom’s name out-loud everyday and put it out into the universe, so her name reverberates over & over again, never to be forgotten
I still think of my Mom almost daily, and she’s been gone for 36 years.
I am now sitting at our cottage on Drummond Island watching the setting Sun and the majesty of Lake Huron My husband calls it his Spiritual watering hole. I think you have found yours as well. Nature speaks volumes if we would only listen to the still small voice.
May that voice continue to comfort you in the days weeks and months ahead, a new chapter of your life unfolding with precious memories of the past
Blessings

Laurel Hill

5/30/2022 11:01:22 am

Thinking of you and continuing to send healing thoughts and prayers. ❤️

maureen conley ole

6/1/2022 12:49:40 pm

Deep sadness about the loss of your mom Jan...caring and prayerful thoughts sent you way. In answer to your question, silent time and spiritual reading provide me the most comfort when life feels tough. Your presence is often felt as my thoughts often turn to people who have taught me to care as much for myself as others.

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